Sibling Rivalry and your New Baby

Just imagine being an only child – literally the center of the family – and then comes a little package that threatens everything you have known and lived. A new baby. As a parent, it is important for you to place yourself in your child’s position, enabling you to transition him or her into the new family dynamic with greater ease.

As you know, having a baby is an exciting time, filled with shopping trips, baby books and delighted family members. Everything seems to revolve around the baby. It is almost a given that siblings will experience natural feelings of jealousy even before the baby is born. To begin with, talk to your child about the care a newborn needs. As you explain, describe how you cared for your current child so she will understand she received the same type of care. You can talk about jealousy before the baby is born, and tell your son it is normal to feel jealous. Stress that if your child begins to feel jealous, he should come to you or your husband and explain how he is feeling. Let your child know you have an open door policy to discuss feelings of loneliness, jealousy or anger.

Of course your discussions don’t have to revolve around the negative! Remember to explain the positive as well. Your child will always have someone there to play with, to count on and to tell secrets to. Your son can teach the baby his favorite games as the baby grows, and your daughter will have someone to play house with. Being an older sibling means being allowed to try special things before the younger is able to – so there are benefits to being the oldest and most responsible.

And speaking of responsibility, talk to your child about how he or she can help with the newborn. Try to get your child excited about being a big help to you and the baby. Talk about what the baby will need and ask your child which jobs might be fun to try.

Babies seem to come home with endless gifts. Before the baby is born, purchase a special gift or two for your current child and tuck it away. Then, when the baby comes home, present the toys as gifts from the newborn. You should also plan a few outings with your child that don’t involve the baby. Dad might be in charge of this as Mom is recuperating with the baby at home. Let your child pick a movie, restaurant or arcade to go to with Dad. This will give your child time away from the baby and special time with one parent.

Before the baby is born, take out some pictures and movies of your current child when he or she was a baby. Talk about how you cared for her and how you felt when she came home from the hospital. Let your child know that he or she received every bit of attention that the new baby will get. Use this time to tell funny stories about you and your spouse getting used to having a newborn in the house. You can also explain what the new baby might look and act like.

Teach your child how to hold the baby correctly. If you sense any rivalry between the newborn and the older child, never leave them alone together. It is normal for an extremely jealous young child to bite or hit the new baby. Talk to your child if you feel this may occur, and seek help from your pediatrician if you feel it can benefit the situation.

The key to minimizing sibling rivalry is communication both before and after the baby is born. Make sure your child knows he can come to you at any time and say he feels alone or jealous. Let your daughter ask for alone time, no matter how tired you are. Sometimes even ten minutes of quiet snuggle or reading time can make up for a day of newborn baby care.

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